A RETURN

Why does the sound of music affect me so much ?
To hear a really good sung song just gives me goose pimple
Especially when it's live,
And by live I don't mean having the singer physically present before me,
It could be a recording but just the crude nature of life music fascinates me

In the dark I focus on the light. Seeking a return to place I once knew
You know that place where garri water was a delice. With sugar and salt combined and coconut, the really mature coconut fruit that has the rich milk in in. Tell me about a treat.

When I don't know who I am anymore and I focus on looking like Mama John's daughter, the one that came back from lagos. And apparently she doesn't go to the toilet anymore. I think this is an impossible feat. How do I know ? I tried. Three days and a severe stomach pain and did I scream "freedom" when I burst open those toilet doors the day kaki was about to turn to leather.

Chinedu doesn't talk to me anymore. I think it's because I told everybody that he was a thief, or maybe because I was talking to Ijeoma his girlfriend everynight while he frustratingly tried to get in touch, some nights she kept him on hold to answer my call, and he ofter held on until sleep beckoned. It probably might not be any of this, it might probably be beacause I owe him a bicycle that I drove his father's car over. I really can't be sure, cos these aren't reason enough to make him stop talking to me.

So I took Stacy out today. Along side with two of her friends. It was her birthday. Grilled steaks, potatoes, roquefort sauce, three balls of ice cream in a large cone, a birthday cake and 17 photographs taken by 3mpx camera of my nokia e71 phone.
Plenty money spent and afterwards, she was in a hurry to get home, there was something important. A quick thank you and Good bye and I'm left stuttering as I try to say .... what was I trying to say ? Well I'll probably remember before the next time I have to clean out account

Words that free themselves

- Can I have a tart,.... no make that two tarts and two cups of yoghurt
- Could I have some cherry jam to go with that ?
- A piece of a month-old chocolate cake as well and two bananas.
- Yes that will be all, thank you.

Lunch couldn't be any more grand, I was floating on air until the aches started, I had assumed that they were cramps as I never stopped believing I was pregnant and that in due time, I would bring forth...

As I walked down the street, I looked at the glass door of the cyber-café and I saw a reflection, the funny thing was that the image looked just like Carvil !!! Oh my ! You know what they say about you becoming like the people you hang out with... so true.

As I took the turn just after the fruit seller's place, I noticed something else... no not a girl! I noticed how people moved... fast-paced like they were in a race or something. Not stopping to breath in the air of the okoko market place... now that I think of it, neither will I. Not stopping to feel the rush of the late afternoon breeze in their hair and on their faces. Not...

The rush, it seems like they know that we have little time and they have to make up for that. I wonder what to make of all this.

My belly still hurts but I move on, I have to keep on going, how else was I going to get home ?

I've gotten home now, my stomach doesn't hurt anymore. I quickly take off these " carvil-kinda clothing ", and then I place myself before the computer and try to write this out... this has been playing in my head all day long: how the post would begin and how it would end, but now that I put pen to paper, I can't even remember where to start from.

Why isn't the computer charging anymore ? I wonder... but that's a problem that I don't have time for right now.

I get up and go to the parlor to stay with the kids, they're making too much noise so I head to the kitchen and there Aunty is quite eager to let me make the eba while warming the soup and blending boiled carrots for the babies meal. I look at her and I smile, a genuine smile not like I had smiled at Lilian earlier on.

I wanted to tell her something like God bless you or thank you but I knew she would ask question, she wouldn't JUST understand and probably smile back or something, she would rather ask questions. I don't blame her, that's the way she is. Time was when I didn't understand her and I would interpret her actions falsely but now... now I still don't understand her and I don't even try to. I just adapt.

So for dinner it will be Eba, okro soup, bananas, and like before yoghurt but this time with strawberry jam.

Dinner is over, I'm lying down on my bed sleeping and it's 2:07 and I feel like bringing forth the pains again. I wonder when, I'll be due I ask myself... then I hear:

It won't be long now

ENTANGLED

The roll of metallic spiral was all tangled up and normally I would have gotten annoyed about it and just thrown the whole thing into the thrash or even if I didn't throw everything away, I would just cut out the parts that weren't too entangled and I would throw away the rest, so that if I had a length of 5 metres of spiral then I would probably be left with only 2 metres by the time I was through.

But this time, I decided that I wasn't going to loose all that length of spiral and I was determined to get most of it if not everything back so I started shaking the whole thing and little by little it loosened up. I eventually had to cut out a bit but it was negligible compared to what I wasted at other times.

This got me thinking about our relationships with one another, where people choose to seperate rather than try to work things out because it's so much easier, but what they don't realise is that a little effort could go a long way to repairing things and then with the help of God that effort gets magnified and then we can be at peace with one another.

Psalms 133:1:

Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity

This is just a little something that got me thinking ...

God bless you !

IMPORTANT

Mistakes that change the course of your life. There are certain things you do that changes the course your life's takes. You really need to be careful with what you do because the consequences might be a price too big for you to pay.

Weigh your actions ! A temporary gift/pleasure might cause a permanent harm. You loose much more than you gain

Know God and do not sin against him .

RANDOM Please .... Please

I've kept away from here for a while now, not intentionally though. I even wrote up a post one time but was unable to complete it because the story that seemed so cool in my head didn't come out exactly as I wanted. I think random is the way to go, like off the top. That way if it doesn't come out right it doesn't mean much.

I wrote on facebook " somethings I do for free, somethings I do for money " this is a sentence I had seen on Waffarian's blog. I really don't know why I did but I just found it kinda cool. That's not the only thing I think is cool about her blog, I'm a fan and I've been hooked since last week and I'm on my way to reading all her posts. I've read through 2008 and a huge part of 2009. I have up till 2011. And I need to mention that she has a lot of posts. Some interesting and the others ... less.

I've been trying to figure out exactly what makes her tick cos even though she writes a lot, sometimes not exactly directly but then she also leaves out certain details as well. * that's just me thinking out loud *

There was this post where she talked about pacesetter books. And I recalled childhood memories. Times when I would climb on the mango tree in our compound and just read novels and eat mangoes all day. The pleasure that was !


It reminded me of life before when my greatest problems were makings As in every subject ... other than yoruba language * no miracle was going to make that happen * I would escape to another world through books. I can remember reading "Evbu my love", "Love on the rocks", "The cyclist", and a couple of others I can't remember. I learnt a lot of lessons from those books and they kinda helped buld my character today.

So now as I sit in this room with about 5 people here, I feel so alone and I recall a facebook status *what is it with me and facebook statuses ? this is not good* of one of my "friends" . It's really sick how nowadays I feel so alone in a room full of people and when there's no one there.


I feel a need to release ... all this stuck up "pressure" inside of me, something like a prick of a needle to a over-blown balloon and all the air come out.

I come to this place everyday and I look at these people and wonder if they notice the change that has come over me, but apparently they do not, because they really don't really care even though they smile at me and ask me " How are you doing ? " but it's all part of a formality that humans engage in. they don't ask because they care.

In all I want to thank God for life ! ( That he helps me make it through this )

WHY MEMORISE WHEN I CAN SAVE EVERYTHING TO MY BLACKBERRY SMARTPHONE ....

... Well, If I had one . I would not bother to cram all the elements on the periodic table because with blackberry phones just like the iphone, there is an application for everything. I wouldn't need to be as smart hardworking as I am now. Whole nights of cramming stuff up...Running all the way to the lecture theatre just to tell Bimbo that I was in room 209 and not room 989 like she thought.

I would walk differently because having a blackberry phone changes your genes and entire being so that you all of a sudden become a member of a higher class of humans " the BBeings " as opposed to just being a regular human.

I would have been able to keep in touch with the white lady that came over to our vilage with Chike the son of Nwafor. She stayed with us for 4 nkwo market days, during that time I had gotten to know her and discovered that not only does she pick her nose but that she doesn't go to the toilet only to powder her nose.

Chike was the first to leave our village. After primary school, his teacher has said the he was a promising lad and that He would take him over to Lagos where he would attend secondary school. All in exchange for little service such as cleaning the house everyday, learning to make world-class meals, making those meals three times or more a day, doing the dishes afterwards, taking care of two toddlers and one adolescent, doing the laundry of the whole family,and some other "little" miscellaneous tasks. Chike was still expected to go to school and have time to take care of his business - appear at school looking smart everyday while he only had one uniform pair, take care of assignments, study for tests, ...

Back in the village, the general idea was that Cike was living the life. No more farm runs for him, it was all enjoyment now. He was in Lagos... But was that really what it was ?

Now how did Chike get to meet the white lady ? And why am I talking about Chike's life right now when I had initially started this write-up talking about my self and certain things that I do not possess ?

Keyboard happy

Nowadays, I look at these young ones knowingly when they talk about all these social networks. In my days, when you heard the word "network", you thought about electricity, but today it's about computer networks and social metworks. How times have changed...

In those days, my only means of communicating with people, other than actually going to see them, was by letters and telegrams. Most people don't even know what telegrams are these days. Back in my days if you sent someone a telegram, you would go around feeling like you was the s*** (yes granny knows your lingo)

I used to be the girl whose yansh, all those boys would stare at and fall into gutters. Yes I was the .... Back then I made sense *winks* . I once had a white man stop his car to talk to me while I was on my way to the stream.

It was a day like every other day, I had noticed a car drive past on my way to the stream and on my way back, the car was parked by the side of the road next to Ima's father's hut. Christopher - He had told me I could call him that, even though I insisted with Sir - was seated on the hood of his ride smoking a cigarette.

I can remember thinking to myself that he wasn't like the reverend father who my naive self had begun to believe was some form of divine being and I never seemed to be able to read into his eyes. But with Christopher it was different, first of all, it was obvious that he was human because he coughed twice while exhaling smoke like when water was used to quench the flames of the wood in the fireplace. And then when I looked in his eyes I knew exactly what was on his mind. It was the same look that Obinna had in his eyes when he talked to me on the ufo market day.

As Christopher tred to make talk with me I quicly told him that I needed to go home as I was expected to return with the water and I couldn't be seen talking to just any man. I hurried away from him so as to make sure no one saw us together. Even though I knew that eyes had seen and mouths would talk while ear would hear evn if they weren't listening that I Osa, daughter of Ovie, had been admired by a white man.

From then on, the suitors didn't stop coming to Ovie - my father's house. The village head all of a sudden decided that Ovie should be decorated as a chief. My mother's shop was packed with customers even after she had sold all her wares. One customer had offered to buy her slippers at a ridiculously expensive price, she had almost slapped him.

All these things other favours were shown to my family members just because of the 67.87 seconds that I had spent it Christopher. *Dont ask how I calculated the time because everyone know that Nokia phones come with the stopwatch feature ... Duh ! *



SO nowadays when I look at these young men that come to see my grand-daughters and be telling me about school and how they want to study with girls that live at 150 naira okada away from where their own houses are, I want to slap the taste out of their mouth. What do they think, that because my breasts are sagging, tha means my brain is too ???

SMH at these youngings, Don't be stoopid Aww !!! :D